Why My Gay Is Better Than Yours*

Posted by in Uncategorized

Is it really only Tuesday? It should be Friday, for a host of reasons. No wait; I have to work Saturday, so it should be next Friday.

I’d take a Monday right now though… the first Monday in April. Maybe it’s the unseasonably warm weather, maybe it’s football team out of contention, maybe it’s the friends making plans for a spring training vacation, maybe it’s Steve pulling from the baseball playlist pretty hard in the mornings, maybe it’s just the wish for time to hurry up and pass; whatever the cause – I’m ready for Spring and the stadium sitting that accompanies it.

But tonight. And my day. It was long (this is not new) but I did manage to get home at a reasonable hour (this is.) Roomie stayed home sick as the evil cedar has taken over the city and was finishing up a bad movie marathon. I settled in on the couch with the laptop and was subjected to another one of the 80s “finest” films. I suffer through, because going to bed at 8pm is just wrong. Also because he’s probably right when he says the other 600 channels don’t have anything better on, and 56 inches of HD really can make just about anything look good.

When it’s over, he keeps me in suspense about what’s coming on next. “Take a guess” he tells me. Hmm… he seems too cool and collected about this. I rattle off a few of his favorites that might be running on evening HD cable… I’m told to keep guessing.

Ooh, is it Fever Pitch?
“No sweetie, it is not Fever Pitch.”
Can we watch Fever Pitch? Please? Please? PLEASE?
“Really?”
Aww, come on! It’s the closest thing I can get to baseball!! I haven’t seen a game in months! I won’t get to see a game for months!
“Do I have to pay attention to it?”
Of course not.
“Fine.”

And this is why he rules, though the sick whining I’ve had to endure over the past few hours has worn down most of the goodwill brought on by this gesture.

Three things that will always happen during a viewing of Fever Pitch in this house:

1. At some point, usually in the first hour, I will say the following –

We need season tickets.

At this point I will end up purchasing tickets for at least one baseball game, likely two or more, and have ended up on Express season ticket waiting lists. If not for the fact that I seriously planned on not still living in Austin at this point I would have bought them last year. No tickets were purchased tonight however, but only because I can’t yet.

2. “Sweet Caroline” will make me consider buying a Neil Diamond album, but I will continue to hold out. Growing up, mom and dad were big Neil Diamond fans, which meant by extension I was too. Every time I hear a song I think about tapping in for the nostalgia factor but have managed to resist. I continue to do so.

3. The following lines are spoken by Drew’s character and hit awfully close to home:

I like this work.
I know what I’m doing when I’m here.
In fact, it’s the only place…where I know what I’m doing.
This is, uh, controllable.
It’s safe.

They give me pause. Make me think. Have yet to make me change.

*reason #75; assuming you have one of your own