We’re Just Not That Into You

Posted by in Pokerish

I read with great amusement the 2+2 thread that Bill posted on PokerFilter, about girls playing poker. Some of the highlights –

I play more poker than most, not as much as some, but it’s all online. I’d say for every hour of play, I put in an hour of reading books, posts, working PT, etc. So, putting in 30hrs/wk would actually take 60hrs/wk. This makes playing semi-pro or pro a time-consuming ordeal.

I figure playing poker in a casino may be another option, I’d have a chance to meet more people. Ever meet new friends or girls in a casino that you’ve had a chance to get to know outside of poker? This includes girls playing poker, waitresses, whoever.

Why don’t more girls play poker? Do they also have hobbies that consume their lives?

You mean other than buying shoes?

Girls usually don’t have as many hobbies as guys. They also usually don’t have as much money as guys, and they usually don’t stay up as late. Girls that are exceptions to this and that have a little gamble in them are prime candidates for playing poker.

Yes, it’s because we spend all our money on makeup, and don’t stay up late because we have to get up super early in the morning to do our hair.

Guys bond over competition – sports/video games, girls bond more on relationship/clique issues. Poker has historically been a guy bonding thing (poker night). Girls need to be brought into the game by someone they know and trust like a relative or boyfriend. There seems to be a similar % of girls interested in poker as girls interested in video games.

Yes, we’ve always been attracted to bright flashy things – online poker and video games fulfill that need nicely. As for what girls bond over, trust me when I say that many a female friendship has been formed in part to take down another girl. And competition? Add a hot guy to a group full of women and you’ll see plenty. If we think it’s something we stand a chance at, we’re hardly scared by it.

Most girls don’t play poker because most girls don’t play poker.

Wow, and h tells me I have problems with logic…

If you see a cute girl at the 2/4 table at the Borg or at the 2-5 at the Bellagio her bf is probobly playing in the high limit area.

I keep forgetting all men players have bankrolls sized to compensate for other shortcomings. You know how many boys I’ve had to buy in to the Bellagio?

If you think you’re gonna meet chicks playing poker, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

The feeling is usually mutual.

And my personal favorite –

He’s saying: girls = bad poker players. There are exceptions, yet I’ve never played against a good female player. I’ve only played 2/4 & 3/6 in a casino.

Conclusive evidence to be sure, since all the best players are at 2/4 and 3/6!

Seriously, if you’re looking for attractive chicks that like to gamble, go to the race track – that’s where everyone tells me they all hang out.

Well, I can’t dispute this one…

I’ll tell you what I know, and I don’t think I’m alone in this. I have a very specific list of things I want in a man. You could say I’m quite picky…

First, he needs to be a poker player. He needs to be able to understand why my bookshelf is full of poker books; why there is a poker table top always in the trunk of my car (you never know!); why I spend hours playing or watching others play; why my dog is named Vegas, and why some of the most important people in the world to me are gay poker bloggers. But on top of that, he needs to be good. Better than me, which really, isn’t that hard. Yet you’d be surprised how hard they can be to find. (And add in the other qualites, and the pool shrinks drastically).

Why does he have to be better than me? I need to respect any man I’m with. I need someone who is going to give as much shit to me as I give to them. I need someone who is a challenge – and that extends to the poker table. You there, playing $2/$4 and thinking all the women at the table are bad players – call it a hunch, but I’m thinking you’re not going to be much of a challenge for me. And mainly, if you’re in a casino playing poker – play. poker. If you want to pick up a woman, there’s a bar right next to the poker room, and hey, you probably won’t have to worry about her stealing your blinds.

Why don’t more girls play poker? I’d say there is some truth to the idea that boys are more reckless, take more chances, and in general have more gamble in them. But in the same way that there are exceptions to that rule on the boy side, there are exceptions on the girl side. I also think that boys are more prone to jumping into the game and figuring it out as they go along, much like they do with game instructions and such; while girls tend to want to know everything possible about the topic before they start in. When the topic is poker, that can be a bit discouraging. Plus, so many boys like to play the role of expert and teach us everything – nothing kills a relationship more than yelling at your girlfriend for playing KJ in early position. (Unless of course she’s the type to yell back and tell you that she knew she was good because that idiot had been raising with K3 s0000ted all night). So for many girls, it’s not worth taking the risk. Sure, it’d be great to have a shared hobby with your boyfriend or husband, but when it comes to something that is as subjective as poker? It can get ugly.

Also, let’s face it, it’s not easy for most people to walk into a poker room, be seated with a bunch of “pros”, plunk down a few hundred dollars and start to play. It can be very intimidating, which is why it appeals to so few women. For most, it goes against their very nature – not many of us were raised to be agressive and competitive. And for those who weren’t raised that way per se, fewer still acquired it on their own. I wasn’t raised to be agressive and competitive – my parents were never around. But somewhere along the way I picked it up, along with a heavy dose of independence, something else you need for poker to appeal to you. If you’re always concerned about what everyone else is thinking and doing, and unable to admit mistakes, you’re not going to any good at the poker table. And while that latter trait applies to many men, it does not apply to any of the ones I respect in poker (i.e., the really good ones).

I think the number of women players will continue to rise, but then again, so will the number of male players, so the percentages may always stay the same. Some may consider that a shame (like those boys looking for their next date), but I don’t. To each their own, and I think most girls aren’t wired in the way that is needed to take poker on as a serious pursuit. This isn’t the boardrooms of America or the halls of Congress; there is no need for a great equality movement here. It is a game after all. However, to automatically assume that all women players are bad simply because there are less of them is not only asinine, it’s likely to be quite costly for the thinker.