The other night, hanging out with some friends after a concert, we were flipping through a magazine and came upon an ad for HBO’s series Oz, recently out on DVD. The ad featured little “Hello, my name is _____” stickers, except these were different – they were “Hello, I’m a ________”, where the blank was murderer, thief, etc. Naturally, we peeled off the stickers and assigned one to each person in the group. Mine? Addict.
Hahaha. Give the addict sticker to the drunk girl. Of course I wore it with pride, and then in typical Austin fashion, slapped it on my designer purse the next morning, where it still remains.
We all have addictions. Mine are varied…music, poker, sweet iced tea, mexican food, this lovely little laptop of mine…
But I have one that is truly starting to get out of hand. I’m starting to get reckless with it and it’s probably losing me money.
Hello, my name is April and I’m addicted to the hammer.
I’m not kidding. I cannot lay that damn hand down! I don’t know why…it’s not like y’all get some report from Ultimate Bet or Full Tilt that tells you how many times it was dealt to me and I didn’t play it. And it’s not like I’m just playing it for a raise pre-flop, seeing the flop, making a bet, and then dropping it on the turn if need be. Oh no. I’m doing exactly what CJ says to do, which is to “play it like it was Aces”. Damn you CJ…you’re the worst influence of all, with your hammer quads. You’ll just spawn a new generation of hammer-wielding players, all thinking “maybe it’ll be me this time…”. You just may be the devil CJ…
For the longest time, the hammer was profitable for me, so said PokerTracker (btw, do you have the guide?). I just checked, and….I am now $22.76 in the red. Stupid hammer. And that doesn’t even include my recent limit play at Full Tilt, cause you know…*cough* hand histories *cough*. Yes, I play the hammer in low limit games. TO THE RIVER. See how out of control this has become?? Like I can really raise those people off their made hands?? And while my play with it at the Bellagio served well for table image, let’s not overlook the fact that I still called a $24 bet with it. I may need help.
Of course, the minute I get it dealt to me and click fold, the flop will come 7 7 2. And Poque will laugh. Sigh. But that’s OK. That’s poker, right? Just promise me you’ll all still love me if I work on putting the hammer back in the toolbox for a while. After all, wouldn’t want it to get rusty from being left out all the time.