…where to begin?
I have nothing really to report on the poker front. I have not played much recently, other than a brief stop in at UB Saturday night where I managed to lose $20. I shouldn’t have been playing…it was late, I was tired, (I did manage to stop myself when I realized I called a raise with A 7) and the truth is, I’m just not feeling the love poker-wise. But I was jealous – Chris and Hank were going to Commerce and I had to hear about it all day…
I have been playing here at home the past two nights. I won’t give you a full write-up of those games because quite frankly I find home game write-ups boring for the most part (because you don’t know these people), and also because ours are usually one one-liner after another, making it absolutely impossible to keep track of the hands you’re seeing, except to say that oh, for the most part, they’re crap. The first night we played we ended up calling it a draw when it came down to two players, with me having the most chips (so yay me) and then last night…well, last night was fun. Just three players; myself, my husband Jason, and our friend Jonathan.
Jonathan took the first game easy, by catching beautiful cards and playing them just as nicely. I forget how he knocked Jason out, but he took me out when he got pocket Kings twice in a row, which of course will beat those damn Hilton Sisters, even without the King on the river. River beats were common last night. That game being over far too quickly, we (or rather, I) sat things up for another. First two hands dealt – Jason and Jonathan both had Q8, then 82, then I get A7 two hands in a row. My remark of “this site is rigged” was met with that cricket chirping sound you hear in the movies…but y’all get the joke, right? Right? Best one-liner of the night had to be the response from Jonathan (you know it’s the best if you can remember it out of the sea of them the next day) to my comment regarding problems I was having with my chip stack. I had a large stack you see, and when my chest brushed up against them, I accidently knocked some of the chips over, and I remarked “My breasts knocked my chips over”. Jonathan’s reply? “I have the same problem with my testicles”. See? Priceless.
All right, enough of that. So, why no real poker lately? And why no real writing lately? Well…long story short, in conversations with Hank, he tries to be helpful (at least, I think he does) but really what he’s managed to do is make me completely doubt myself.
It’s not his fault. He’s 100% correct when he tells me that I need to fully understand such silly little poker concepts as odds, and apply them to my game along with my reads and “instincts”. (It is, however, his fault that when I ask what are to me perfectly reasonable questions, his responses invariably start off with an “lol”. Yea. So not helpful.) But I don’t know those…kinda skipped that step in my poker learning journey. Never bothered with starting hand charts or anything like that either. No, I got Fred. And then later John. And then blogs. And I knew I wasn’t a great player by any means, but I got by. Kinda sorta thought I might even know what I was doing a little… And now I get laughed at by The Great and Powerful Hank. Confidence shot all to hell. (And yes, I realize I’m being a “girl”. However I’m told I have that going for me, so…)
I feel like I’ve not put in the full amount of time and required effort that one should when one calls oneself serious about this game, and as a result, I’ve been avoiding it, feeling like it’s going to hurt me in some way. Which, truth be told, it has the great potential to do when not fully understood and focused on. At the same time, the idea of going back to what is normally the beginning for most players, and learning all those basics – a little…degrading almost.
The COO of a Fortune 500 company said to me once, “We’re a lot alike, you and I. We both have big egos.” At the time I laughed, but he was right. (However, he left out stubborn…) The point he was trying to make was that it wasn’t a bad thing per se, but that our egos (or rather mine, being as how my title was somewhat lower than his) could often cause problems when it came to accepting challenges – whether from other people or, as in the case above, from perceptions that quite possibly exist in only our own minds.
So I need to get over it. I’m told I’m on the right path…so I suppose this is just a matter of needing to backtrack a little and learn what I missed. Still, it’s hard to not feel a little like a fraud who’s just been getting lucky every once in a while. Sort of like showing up for a test and everyone else in class is fully prepared, and you’ve only studied the bare minimum, but you manage to pull out a passing grade most of the time anyway? (OK, that analogy hits a little too close to home…) Problem is, my passing rate is going way down. If losses are nothing more than paying for learning, I think I’ve paid my fair share of table lessons. I get that part. Time to hit the books, so to speak.
Yes, as much as I hate to admit for the world to see, Hank is right. I needed someone to push me to see that I was lacking in a very important aspect of my poker knowledge, and that it can’t continue. So I am thankful for that, even if it did knock me off my little pedestal a bit. (Which is not a bad thing)
Now I just need to find someone with infinte patience who can answer all my stupid questions, because as we know, math is not my strong suit…