if you just realize what i just realized

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Irony is, when he’s dealing with “stuff” or stressed; he can’t handle me. He retreats and pulls back. To be fair, it’s not just me, I don’t think he can handle anyone, but I imagine I throw more than my fair share of curveballs.

When I’m stressed, dealing with stuff, want to click the print button on ye ole resignation letter, feeling lost and ready to bolt at any moment; he’s one of the people I want to run to. Quite literally.

Problem occurs when these two events happen at the same time. Suddenly I’m facing a wall with no window; a murky lake whose depths I’ve never tested before. I get hurt. More than he knows. Quite possibly more than he cares. I’ve long suspected such.

I should probably be patient. We all have issues, and we all have stuff. Still, we all need to know we’re cared for. Know that the energy we put out isn’t wasted.

Though I’m sure he doesn’t remember, I have told him twice now how this makes me feel. That’s what makes it hurt that much more.

But also makes it easier for me to walk away.