What a horrible thing, to be so…discouraged by something you love so much. But of course, you can’t turn away from it…at this point, it’s become so much a part of you, you couldn’t quit it if you tried. (Yes…[she smiles]…this does make it an addiction, folks…but like someone always said about their drinking, it’s only a problem if I think it is.) 😀
My UB bankroll has been cut in half this week…due to my crappy playing. Oh sure, I can blame some of it on just plain bad luck (and yes, there were a couple of hands where pocket kings didn’t hold up…that’s always fun) and getting my fair share of bad beats. But the majority was just my bad playing…because my mind is so twisted and turned that I don’t know which way to go anymore. I’ve taken more losses with premium hands in the past few days…and don’t even get me started on the continuing argument I have with my mentor on the issue of the lower pocket pairs. Connectors, suited or not…
I was too passive in the past, so I’ve been playing more agressively lately, and apparently that’s just been one hell of a winning strategy [sarcasm]…which it was, for a while…but then I have apparently hit this wall. I don’t know if it’s theory overload, or what. I don’t know if I’m trying too hard to be GOOD…to do the right thing…to make the proper call…to raise with hands that should be raised, to draw only when odds dictate I should (which really requires a brain that can calculate numbers much much quicker than mine can…), not to mention the other aspects of making a bluff every now and then. Well holy hell – when did poker get so freakin complicated? So many damn rules to remember…and who is to say who is right with regards to all of these…because everyone has a different opinion. It’s information overload. In a lot of ways, I miss the days when I was just starting to play, and all I knew was that little bit Fred had told me when we went to Cripple Creek (of course…he told me AFTER we left the tables…bastard. lol) – “Don’t play any hand where you don’t have at least a jack/ten or higher in the hole”, and “We don’t chase the straight”. I knew nothing of check/raising, raising for information, pot odds, game theory, EV. I have been lucky to have a great mentor and friend fill in those gaps for me…along with some awesome poker bloggers. But the result of all this knowledge has left me feeling totally lost…and completely unconfident.
Part of the studying I should be doing right now for my Astronomy exam tomorrow has to do with evolution (yea…I know…wtf does that have to do with Astronomy, right? Hence my frustration) and I suppose this is part of the evolution from fish to shark (although I am by no means calling myself a shark). I guess everyone who is really serious about the game went through this on the road to where they are – sort of a crisis of conscience? Or maybe I’m being too girly. 🙂 (It’s my birthday, I’m allowed)
My grandmother was the one who taught me how to play poker…7 card stud. When I picked it up again with Fred, I always thought she would be proud. It’s kind of a connection with her that I can have. Someone remind me, when I go to a casino, I need a card protector that’s an owl of some sort. I miss my grandmother.