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HumanHead posted a link to the 2+2 forum thread about the funniest things heard at the tables. It’s become a huge thread, 35 pages long. Because I should be doing something else…I had to read it all. A few of them made me literally laugh out loud (and it’s a shame Jonathan wasn’t here to hear it), so I thought I would post them, Iggy-like, for y’all to enjoy, without having to go though said 35 pages.

So here goes –

A couple here:

My buddy was playing a live 15/30 game a couple of weeks ago and after a couple of tough beats in a row, stood up and yelled, “THIS SITE IS RIGGED!”

Playing in a 6-12 game in AZ. There’s a guy who just can’t stop complaining about his bad luck. After about two hours of whining, and several rebuys, I look over and say, “Hey, next time you’re thinking about coming down to the casino, here’s my phone number. Just give me a call, we can meet somewhere, I’ll kick you in the nuts, you give me $200, and we’ll be all square.”

After a fair amount of raising and re-raising throughout.

“Jack High”
“What’s your kicker”
“It’s good.”

I don’t get to the local B&M more than once a month (to my dismay), so when I go I try to play long sessions.

When I go through a dry spell of like 45-60 min without a face card, I’ll shout “Holy crap! They have cards with pictures on them here!?” when someone near me tables paint.

While it probably doesn’t happen all that often, it sure feels like it sometimes.

$3-6 B&M, guy to my right is hammered and laughing, slapping me on the back, having a great time. (The whole table is having fun, because he’s throwing off a lot of chips.)

Then the guy, out of the blue, says, “I once had sex with one of my nieces,” and takes a swig of his beer. All activity (and I mean ALL activity) at the table stops. The players exchange very awkward looks.

Then the guy finishes his sentence — “bridesmaids.”

Much relief around the table. I was laughing so hard I cried.

— Mike

I was in the Poker room tonight and I had 7 2 in the Big Blind, EVERYONE LIMPS, so I call.
The Flop comes 7 7 2
The pot grows and raises and it is now at least a 25BB pot
The Turn is 7 and again More money in the pot.
The River is Q and more betting
I win the hand with Quads and heard a guy actually say these words….
“That is a good hand but your kicker wasn’t worth a damn!”

Big Steve

[A response -]
Yeah, I just hate it when my quads lose to the same quads with a better kicker. You never know when that 5th 7 will be out there.

Last night at the Bike, playing 2/4.

SB is worse than average; playing way too many hands, cold-calling flops with backdoor draws, etc… (he’s also averaging more beers per hour than I am hands played per hour) but he’s fun and is keeping the table light.

UTG+1 limps, then SB announces that he’s been dealt three cards. SB calls for a misdeal while BB and UTG+1 say there can be no misdeal since someone has acted. After arguing for a while, the floorman is called over. He rules that SB’s hand is dead and the hand will continue from there.

SB gets a tad upset that he payed $1 for a hand he can’t play. He starts saying he should get his $1 back. He starts raising a little fuss and says, “Call the floor.”

The dealer doesn’t want the floor called over again (this would be the third time in two hands) so he looks at SB’s mucked cards and quietly says, “You would have folded and lost that $1 anyway, you had 84.”

Without missing a beat, SB says, “Have you seen me play?”

players in low-limit game get heads-up at the river. player 1 checks, and then player 2 checks.

player 2: “your pair is good.”
player 1: “i don’t have a pair. i have 10 high.”
player 2: “oh, that’s good too.”

[And hey look who’s famous!! Just had to share…]
SirFWALGMan posted this comment from an online game in his Blog a few days ago, where a female player had been taunting the table, trying to get everyone on tilt. Right after winning some hands against her, he says:

I also got influenced by Snoop Dog on Howard Stern and asked if she wanted to be my Hoe, she would make more money than she is being my Bitch! Ha! She loved that one!

I only hope I get to use that one myself, one day! 😀

OK…enough procrastinating. I have to do some actual work if I want to be able to justify table time tonight.

Oh, and by the way…I haven’t wanted to actually say it, but…Chris and Scott are right. You all suck. Love y’all, but you suck. Have a safe trip, good time, all that jazz…but is anyone gonna be up for a meet and greet in Feb. when I get to make my first trip to Vegas since I was 10? And does anyone know if they have casinos in Hawaii….?? Hmmm…