but you counted all the seconds and it makes you feel worse

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Long story short, at the end of October it was looking very much like I would be living in California right about now for a job. Wonderful… mostly. I mean yes, great opportunity, and we know I love California and the people I know in it, but good Lord have I never heard such complaining about me leaving Austin. Which don’t get me wrong is extremely flattering, but after a while starts to make the whole thing pretty hard and really makes you question every decision you have to make in life (which, for someone who can’t even decide what shot to order at the bar is not a good thing).

Obviously, I am still in the great state of Texas at this moment (you’d have heard otherwise by now if not). Things fell through; we move on. And I apparently move out. This sweet little deal I’ve had going on here with what may be the cheapest rent in Austin had been quickly snapped up the very second the mere mention of my planned move was made. Well that’s all well and good… but when I’m no longer moving – then what happens?

Well what would you do as the homeowner and BFF in this situation? The general opinion (unless you’re my mother apparently, who has always put Roomie on such a pedestal that only someone who didn’t actually live with him is capable of doing) is that you’d tell the Other that sorry, she’d just have to stay in her current place – that everything returns to as it was. I stay here, she stays there, and we all go on about out merry way. Roomie, however, chose to do otherwise.

You see, when I quit the soulless miserable job it was with the understanding that it was likely going to take a while for me to find another one. But I wouldn’t have to jump into just another one like it for the sake of a paycheck – I had a home that I could stay in for as long as I needed. I was taken care of. A very lucky woman with a very good friend. Sadly, I don’t feel like I can say that last part anymore.

It’s not about a hash-mark list of who’s done what for each other, it comes down to when it was really needed, when the world fell apart, I was taken out for drinks, but the call was never made that said “Hey… so here’s what’s happening. I know it sucks for you too, but I can’t very well kick her out.” Instead, he decided to do just that.

[Look, another example of me counting on someone, letting someone take care of me and it completely blows up when they fail me! Lesson – you can never trust someone else! Better to just sail the seas on your own. And you wonder why I pick men who I know are eventually going to do wrong somewhere down the line… it doesn’t take a PhD for this folks. Just a little chat with my parents really. Especially after mom’s had some wine.]

I have a week left. You can’t very well rent an apartment without a job. Again, I am a very lucky woman. Again, with some very good friends. I’ve had some offer to kick out their current roommates just so that I could move in. It won’t be necessary, but I was touched all the same. [Most of all I think by finding that there was always room for me at The Dome – that one actually made me cry.]

Maybe I’m being irrational? I just go to what I would do in his shoes, and it isn’t what he did. Surely that’s not to high a standard to hold your friends to. Especially those you hold in highest regard.